Jingxin. :D

Today was a meaningless day. I found out that i was made of metal with low reactivity. I was cold-blooded.I was heartless. I was inhumane. I got no emotions. so the trainer say, those who DO NOT cried are either having a happy family or are avoiding the situations. I am not in those categories. I did not cry because, i exprience the feeling of love ones being cremated. I asked myself those questions when i was secondary 2.

Today, Gary, Adam khoo trainer tried to make us reflect on ourselves. he wanted us to ask ourselves:

Did you know your father cares alot about you? although he do not say it out, but he do it out.
I said in my mind: I know, seen him in action.

Did you know i was not suppose to celebrate your birthday?
I said: I know, as on that day, my mother is suffering. Dad told me this since Primary school days

Did you noticed your parents are going to die in future?
I said: I know, and I'm Prepared. I have already experienced it before.

Let me tell you the history of my family.

My family has always been a happy family when i was young. My father was handsome, my mother was pretty. we are leading a very good life even though we are not rich. i did not craved for anything and my parents did not spoil me. ( normally the only child get spoilt, i think i am not so bad)

However, in November 2002, a bad news hit me. my mother was diagonised with cancer. I forgotton what kind of cancer. I saw that her life was going to end, I get myself prepared for it. For the next 3 years, I observe that her conditions were deteriorating. I knew her time is up when she was admitted to Singapore General hospital. And, I did not get to see her for the last time as i was in school. I only knew the news after school. well, i was only secondary one. And she died peacefully in SGH. I knew because she was smiling.

well, she choose a good date to die. it was the last day before september holidays. It was a hard time, as after the break, it is the End-Of-Year Examinations. and guess what? I did not cry. I did not cry when she was put in a coffin. I did not cry when she was going to be cremated. I saw the coffin going into place with fire, I did not cry. too shock to cry? maybe.

My feelings were like gone ever since that day she was gone.

Some of my friends, not knowing that my mother had passed away, asked questions about her. I always answer the questions as if she was still alive, and i still do so because she live, in me.

another incident was my father who had a Heart Attack when he was exercising and he was admitted to Changi General Hospital. I knew this because i called home after school. It happen when I was in Secondary 2. After i heard this news, I was shock, duh. But after i knew he was okay, i was like "phew" and went for my CCA. luckily i was not meant to be an orphan in my teens.

After these incidents, I knew at once. i got to prepare for the future.

but the consequences of being prepared is that, i lost my senses. I became NUMB. That is why i didnt cry.

sian.
still got one more day to go.
still not motivated.
Come on, Motivate me!

relek one corner lah!

**those who want to see me cry can drop this idea. I am numbed, so forget it. Even adam khoo don't works for me, what else will? unless, de-numb me. if you can..**

Labels: motivate me motivate me motivate me