Jingxin. :D

Holyshit, I get my first 2 points for Napfa at 2.4km today! yea, our class went back to school just to run 2.4 km at 8.30 am today

Damn i could have get a 3 and a gold for napfa if i run faster and did not walk.
My others stations are quite good:

Standing Board Jump - 3 Points
Sit and Reach - 5 Points (try breaking my record, haha)
Pull Up - 5 Points
Shuttle Run - 4 Points
Sit Up - 5 Points
2.4 km - 2 Points (damn! just 5 more seconds)

Thanks to the 2.4km, I got a silver now. I need to re-run again! I must get gold, must help the class get 3 points.

After the 2.4 km, we stay at the canteen to discuss about the international friendship day class decorations. And here are some pictures of the discussion:

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farah suggesting something and Ranson trying to stop her by suggesting another idea.

Now Yong Keong's turn.. no one disturb him

After the discussion, we went food palace for breakfast. Mr Jae join us because he was VERY hungary. haha. And he walked VERY fast to food palace. crap.

Deciding on what to 'Makan'

After the breakfast, I rushed to my lesson, back home, to KFC to study with Shu Mei and Jocelyn. Yeah, Shu Mei is out of her mind. Crap..

That's all for today
I WILL RUN AGAIN
run till i GET GOLD and DIE...
I WILL get back the 3 points i deserve..

haha, I mad.

Yesterday
we have CIP at Jamiyah Home For The Aged. Most of the elderly was found homeless and is brought to this home by IMH. I dont know lah. something like that.

Some elderly are somehow autistic, they do not respond even if you talk to them. they will just turn away. However, some are hyper active. They volunteered to sing and dance for us. Yeah, some of the elderly CAN DANCE!

We also dance for them, but its a camp song la. we dance as a group. and the song goes:

As we~ walk to the left
As we walk to the right
As we walk, as we walk, as we walk walk walk
With a heel and a toe,
And a half turn around
And a new friend found

after the song, we change dance partner and start all over again.

yeah, it was fun.

Today
nothing special, went to watch "Mr Bean's Holiday" at Century Square.
After that we to play pool and go home after that. sian

today is a long long day
9 hours of studying. Damn. I can die.

There is one thing that i found out. Most of the people in our class are going to die during classes.

here are the statistic of the death rate in class:

During physics
13% dead
21% going to die
66% still surviving

During Chemistry
5% dead
23% going to die
72% still surviving
(got improvement!)

During Geography
0% dead [no one dares]
34% going to die
66% still surviving

Formula: number of people/ total number of people, multiply by 100

Legends:
Dead - Asleep
Going to die - falling asleep
still surviving - Awake

as you can see, 4e3 are not always the one paying most attention in class. haha

Today nothing happen in school. the exciting part is when DJs visited our school during assembly

During Mother tongue we were doing corrections on the formal letter we wrote. I wrote crap and so i know i will fail. hahaha. I remember that time when i was doing, i was not taking it seriously. and my prediction is correct! i get 6/20. cool right?

after that was geography, need to pass up the self reflection on 'how to improve geography and meet my MSG' and it has a word limit of 300 words minimum. and i only wrote like 157 words? so i redo when i reach home. and we learn how to read the triangular graph. it was quite easy actually. and tomorrow we have to stay back from 5pm - 6pm to have a geography remedial. DAMN..

Then, it was recess. slack with the usual people.

After recess, was our health checkup and nothing is wrong with me but it took up Mdm Saleha periods. and we had our emaths period. Blah blah reflection of triangles blah.. AND soon it was our PE periods, we did the sets PLUS running. I refused to run so i jogged for the 6 minutes.

Assembly was up next, people and DJs from 98.7 FM came to visit our schools to answer our doubts on radio. The DJs are Shan Wee and Carrie Chong

After that we had our NE Quiz. and thats all for today..

so boring..

boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring

haha.. boring
this is crap
dont bother to read all the words because 90 percent the words are the same.

bye

I can't control my lousy state..

What's wrong with me? damn

Once there was a boy name Jon who is just like any typical teenagers of his age. Jon lives in a bungalow with all the things he needs. His friends envied him and craved for such life.

But Jon was not happy. His father doesn’t care about him, all he does was just work, work and work to earn more money and increase their standards of living. His mother passed away when he was primary five because of a drunk driver who drove recklessly on the road and furthermore, he got no siblings. Everyday Jon faced walls instead of living human beings at home. Jon is scared. He felt lonely.

Although he has friends in school, but those friends are just common friends who do not care for him that much. Basically, Jon does everything himself. He envied his friends whose parents still care for them regarding their lifestyles. He will rather give up all his wealth to have someone to care for him.

Jon was very depressed. He wished that his mother was still around. Things weren’t like this when his mom was still alive. She cooks, wash and care for him. Although sometimes quarrels took place, Jon was really happy.

Tears swelled up like no one else business. He thought to himself: What’s the point of living so long when no one else cares?

All this were too much for him to handle. Soon the side effects of this depression appear. His results began to deteriorate. He began not to do homework. He began to think of suicide. His form teacher soon noticed him. He talked to him and found out that he lacked care and concern from others. The teacher led him to the school counsellor who counselled him. His father was also alerted regarding this. The lad’s father was worried. And he began to spend more time with him, care for him and motivate him.

This action of his father made Jon feels that there is still someone in the world that cared for him. Soon, Jon recovered from his state of depression and now Jon is a graduate of the NUS and he is trying to get into NIE to become a teacher.

THE END

**I hope someone will be there too, to care, to concern..**

oh god. I am dying.

There is no one to talk to
There is no one to laugh with
There is no verbal interaction
There is no entertainment
There is no one to share my thoughts with
There is no one to share my fears
There is no one to encourage me
There is no one to motivate me
There is no one to care when I'm sick

And this won't work! I need to get out, I need to talk to someone, I need to communicate in order to SURVIVE! Human Beings survive in a group, he will not survive on their own because they will sense fear, sadness, depress and they will go crazy!

I know i have to call someone out. but who will be so free to do that? i don't know who to call. Yeah, my EQ is that low. sad but true.

someone please come to my rescue! ROAR

For the last three days, I attended the interactive secondary one camp as a camp instructor. Basically my job is to help with activities for sec 1 and logistic. this year theme, again, is Heroes In Action. There are 6 main group:
1) X-men
2) Marvel
3) Justice League
4) Ninja turtles
5) Incredibles
6) Teen Titans

Friday 09/3 H.I.A Day 1
Have Captains ball and human checkers for the first activities. I was a Time keeper for the human checkers. The game has a period of 7 mins, those team who have most amount of member on the game wins. But the exco reduce the time of game to 4 mins.

Next up was the blind men trail at night, in this game, sec1 are blind folded and they need to complete the whole trail with the blind fold. I am in charge of a station which is obstacles course. The sec 1 just have to crawl under the tables. some of the sec1 are so scared until they cried. I saw three of them crying while crawling. Another girl, who thought i was some kind of monster, pinch me. haha.

then it was night time. we went up to AVA for a debrief. After that, others went to bed. I went outside AVA to slack.

Saturday 10/3 H.I.A Day 2
not much of anything for me to do in the morning. slack with the ex-students of jyss who came back to help with the camp fire until about 9am, i flagged a cab to travel to PingYi secondary for my piano examination.

but i reached there to early, so i went into the examination hall and fell asleep. slept for about 30 mins before doing the papers.

after the exam, i went back to jyss to help out with the field cooking. I had to check the tins if they are clean after washing. those that are not clean will be washed by CIs. and thats what we do, wash pails, wash the tins, clear the rubbish and changed the trash bags. I look like a santa claus, but instead of a red bag full of toys, mine was black with full of leftovers and rubbish.

Then it was the initiative games. i went to help han jun with the popcorns and he was a total slacker. he did not even want to explain the game so i have to do it before the sec 2 CIs came to help.

After that was the campfire, wonderful effect was made. Mrs Daniel lights the torch and the torch was pass to sikai and he ran up to the third floor and lights the fire ball which slides down towards the piled woods and lights the campfire.

every group of sec 1 made a performance for us. it was Awesome! Excellent! and the incredibles won the dances during the campfire. mass "bombing" was played and everyone got bombed. cheers are shouted out and the campfire ends.

then it was debrief. we got the camp tee shirt after the debrief. and went to sleep in AVA room. It was a miracle i chose to sleep. I sleep because the following day there will be a telematch and i don't want to look tired. However, i can't sleep because the AVA room was damn cold. It was so cold that it keeps me awake for the entire night. and i have to hide behind the computer to keep myself warm. At about 5 am, I went out to the stairs to sleep, luckily for me, i didn't roll down the stairs. the AVA was just too cold for me lah. haha

Sunday 11/3 H.I.A Day 3
I am one of the judges in the telematch and my partner was Erin. It was very fun even before the game because i was going crazy with Seri. we crap the hell out of everyone we saw. and i got myself wet while helping the 'wet and squeeze' to carry pails with water.

I was damn tired after the game, because i have to run together with the sec1 during the game. and i have to shout and cheer for them while timing the game. tired ah!

Then it was breakfast time, I became a rubbish bin for Samantha, Jing Yun and Raihanah. I ate all the food that they don't want and i drank two packets of Milo. after the breakfast, i went to help to clear the council room. it was really messy. after cleaning the room, the room looks clean and neat. Nice job everyone.

then it was the closing for the camp, watched videos and slides of the camp. and after that was the 'thanking' ceremony. after that was the debrief and went home after that. Although i took a nap after i reach home, i still feel exhausted physically

overall, the camp was fun, tired, smelly, dirty and exciting. haha

SLEEPING TIME!

Labels: exhausted

For the past few hours since i woke up, I have been thinking, hard. on "why i did not cry when Gary said all those stuffs?" and "I am suppose to cry, but i am not crying. why?"

it sound stupid to be upset by those questions.
maybe i am too cold-blooded to even care. I don't know what i should do.

For the next week, i will be alone at home. my father has gone to China and my grandma will be going to south korea tonight. back at home, i will be ALONE. during this period, i will talk to me, myself and I when i reach home if not, i will be talking to four walls. how pathetic can i get. sigh

here are some advise:

Be grateful that there is someone who care for you
Be grateful that you heard people nagging at you
Be grateful that when you reach home, someone will talk to you
Be grateful that you hear human voices when you reach home
Be grateful that they care about your results
Be grateful that they hug you
Be grateful that dinner is prepared for you
Be grateful that they dotes and spoilt you
Be grateful that they know that you existed
Be grateful that you are not talking to walls

Don't complain if the food they cooked tasted disgusting
Don't pick on the food they cook
Don't complain they nags at you
Don't complain if they scold you
Don't reject them if they hug you
Don't compare their appearance
Don't complain if they tell you to study
Don't be angry if they scold you (not insults, fight back if they insults instead of scolding)
Don't blame them if they are uneducated

Do all those things i mentioned, if not you will regret..

I don't see the will in me to study anymore. Whats the point anyway? I don't want to earn big money. Just lost all the courage to study.

** I was forced to be independent. If i am not independent, I will be dying. I don't really want to be independent. It is really tough. Is not that i don't want to release myself, is that i don't know how to. I need couselling.**

Labels: counselling anyone?

It is certified. I am a bloody cold-blooded person.

yeah, i was touched by the story they said. but too bad, i do not cry when i am touched. guess what? Ananda done a good job man. Luckily he broke the emo period for a while, or esle the hall will be flooded with tears.

seems like i got no tears coming out. sad

this workshop ended with a sad ending, everyone [almost] was going home with a pair of red eyes and nose. Come on, i am still not motivated. the only thing i learn in this is, speed reading. haha.

seems like i'm hopeless. even khoo khoo workshop can't motivate me. =(

Labels: someone motivate me motivate me motivate me haha

Today was a meaningless day. I found out that i was made of metal with low reactivity. I was cold-blooded.I was heartless. I was inhumane. I got no emotions. so the trainer say, those who DO NOT cried are either having a happy family or are avoiding the situations. I am not in those categories. I did not cry because, i exprience the feeling of love ones being cremated. I asked myself those questions when i was secondary 2.

Today, Gary, Adam khoo trainer tried to make us reflect on ourselves. he wanted us to ask ourselves:

Did you know your father cares alot about you? although he do not say it out, but he do it out.
I said in my mind: I know, seen him in action.

Did you know i was not suppose to celebrate your birthday?
I said: I know, as on that day, my mother is suffering. Dad told me this since Primary school days

Did you noticed your parents are going to die in future?
I said: I know, and I'm Prepared. I have already experienced it before.

Let me tell you the history of my family.

My family has always been a happy family when i was young. My father was handsome, my mother was pretty. we are leading a very good life even though we are not rich. i did not craved for anything and my parents did not spoil me. ( normally the only child get spoilt, i think i am not so bad)

However, in November 2002, a bad news hit me. my mother was diagonised with cancer. I forgotton what kind of cancer. I saw that her life was going to end, I get myself prepared for it. For the next 3 years, I observe that her conditions were deteriorating. I knew her time is up when she was admitted to Singapore General hospital. And, I did not get to see her for the last time as i was in school. I only knew the news after school. well, i was only secondary one. And she died peacefully in SGH. I knew because she was smiling.

well, she choose a good date to die. it was the last day before september holidays. It was a hard time, as after the break, it is the End-Of-Year Examinations. and guess what? I did not cry. I did not cry when she was put in a coffin. I did not cry when she was going to be cremated. I saw the coffin going into place with fire, I did not cry. too shock to cry? maybe.

My feelings were like gone ever since that day she was gone.

Some of my friends, not knowing that my mother had passed away, asked questions about her. I always answer the questions as if she was still alive, and i still do so because she live, in me.

another incident was my father who had a Heart Attack when he was exercising and he was admitted to Changi General Hospital. I knew this because i called home after school. It happen when I was in Secondary 2. After i heard this news, I was shock, duh. But after i knew he was okay, i was like "phew" and went for my CCA. luckily i was not meant to be an orphan in my teens.

After these incidents, I knew at once. i got to prepare for the future.

but the consequences of being prepared is that, i lost my senses. I became NUMB. That is why i didnt cry.

sian.
still got one more day to go.
still not motivated.
Come on, Motivate me!

relek one corner lah!

**those who want to see me cry can drop this idea. I am numbed, so forget it. Even adam khoo don't works for me, what else will? unless, de-numb me. if you can..**

Labels: motivate me motivate me motivate me

yea, I know the school wants to motivate us so that we can score well for GCE 'O' level. so they hired trainers from Adam Khoo blah blah Technology, paid them high and wants them to motivate us for 3 days from morning 8am to 9pm at night.

to tell the truth, i attended four motivational workshop since primary four [adam khoo included]:

1) Leadership workshop - primary four
2) motivational workshop - Primary six [for PSLE]
3) IChoose workshop - secondary three [for PVC]
4) Adam Khoo workshop - secondary four [for 'O's]

for the first workshop in primary four, i was indeed motivated and i strive to do the best. however this kind of attitude did NOT last long. okay, it did lasted for a year or so.

for the second workshop in P6, well it keeps me motivated until PSLE which was like a few months only. after PSLE, all i was thinking was time for entertainment. not interested in secondary life at all

for the third workshop, IChoose WS which has 2 days. i attended it with samantha, see wee, ronney, yu jun and julianah for the 1st day. Guess what? for the 2nd day, only samantha and I attended the rest of the workshop. This doesn't sound motivated right? okay, the truth is, i WAS motivated for that day. once the workshop ends, thats it. Back to the same square. haha

this time, the Adam Khoo workshop, i had not seen the best of it yet. not having any effects on me for today, the 1st day. yeah, it made me tears, not because of the words they use to motivate us but the yawning that cause my tear glands to secrete tears. yea, so touching...

haha

**the dinner suck anyway, there was no food that interest us. some even ate fruits to substitute for dinner, pathetic. Hope that better food will be serve to us, or we will go on a strike!**

lets see what they got tomorrow,
come on, motivate me!

Labels: motivate me motivate me motivate me

yesterday, went back to school for sec 1 camp briefing. I am the assistant judge of the telematch and my partner, Erin was the Judge. Also, I am the section leader for the blind man trail in trail 1. another job of mine is still not assigned, i think i will be informed by mr Jae next week.

okay, next week is going to be a damn busy week.

why busy? because there is Adam Khoo Workshop for 3 days starting from tomorrow, which is monday 5/3 to wednesday 7/3. the workshop ends at 2100 hours for this 3 days and starts early in the morning. After the workshop, there will be a secondary one camp coming on friday. so on thursday, the classroom needs to be cleared as the 4th floor is the soapy area and it is going to be really wet.

but it is going to be real fun. whole week not studying! except for friday and thursday.

and guess what? i pass my biology TA1. although it is a c5, 29/50, but i still think it is okay because before the test, teacher did mention that the test was a difficult test. so in conclusion, i am not dropping biology anymore. and i am prepared to sign the forms for the GCE 'O' level

that's all
Okay, time to destress.

today is like shit.

Biology test today. difficult like hell.
suntec city exihibitions are totally craps, all is about university of other countries and singapore. what i expected is not there. so disappointed.

I have found the origins of the Chaos. Totally ridiculous. like as if we know what is the stimulus to your anger. are you testing my adrenaline glands are working? don't worry, they are working fine.
crap.

don't provoke me today

**when can I fight back? Someone please give me the permission. Can't wait to do so**

today nothing special happen except for some meaningless event that happened.

it is nothing actually, but it seems that we had "provoked" other class/ classes. forget it, it sound dumb to elaborate on that. we had geography test today, it was quite okay for me. the only difficult part is the 1st question which has 10 marks allocated.

I got back my chemistry marks. And to my surprise, i passed! haha. i only failed Amath at the moment and a distinction for my Emath.

I'm still considering if i should drop biology. I wanted to drop because of the stress this subject is giving me. However, i have been doing biology for last year, spending my time staying back after school to study this topic. if i drop it now, it will be a pity.

**Chaos between classes is getting more and more interesting, come and get me if you want, i will be most happy to deal with it**